Team Beachbody Guest

Food for me has always been an ocean of high tide, low tide, high tide, repeat. My earliest memory of equating food with happiness was when I was a mere 8 years old. One day in particular I remember discovering my love of mustard and making sandwiches with toasted bread. At that young age I remember sneaking off into the kitchen to make secret sandwiches of mustard, toasted white bread, and

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Food for me has always been an ocean of high tide, low tide, high tide, repeat. My earliest memory of equating food with happiness was when I was a mere 8 years old. One day in particular I remember discovering my love of mustard and making sandwiches with toasted bread. At that young age I remember sneaking off into the kitchen to make secret sandwiches of mustard, toasted white bread, and bologna. My family was living in Oklahoma at the time and it was a hot summer day, but I was in the safety and comfort of my house; enjoying the air conditioning, homemade iced tea, and watching my favorite Winnie the Pooh video. I felt so happy and content and those delicious sandwiches were the icing on the cake. I think I ate 4 or 5 that day. I would make one and eat it, watch a little more Pooh Bear, and sneak back into the kitchen to make another. And so began my love of food, the comfort that I began to feel with it, and wanting to eat my favorite foods in large quantities when I was extremely happy or content, or simply as a reward. I truly do not believe that I was eating to fill a void. I have always had a very close-knit loving family; I think I simply fell in dangerous love with food and kept it well hidden.

Fast forward to life today. My most recent food lover is bread and butter. Over the past 19 years I have expanded my love of food to comfort me on bad days and celebrate with me on good days. On days when I'm feeling extremely upset or even extremely happy, bread and butter makes it all better. I like my bread layered thick with butter. When I make toast, I butter it so that all of the butter melts into the bread and once the bread is saturated, I add another layer that sits on top because it has no where to melt. Pretty disturbing, isn't it? I've gone through entire loaves of bread by myself in one afternoon. Just me, my bread, and a tub of butter.

Exercise is another story. I have been athletic for as long as I can remember. I played soccer and softball from second grade through high school. In middle school I added volleyball to that mix. Although I was athletic, I had bulky muscles and was never really lean. Knowing that muscle weighs more than fat, I convinced myself that my weight was so high because of how much muscle I had. Seemed logical enough. I graduated from high school and quit all of the sports that I was involved in. I went off to college and for the few months I was faithful to go to the gym and do cardio and weights. When first semester finals began, my workouts ended and I never really committed to exercise after that. I gained more than the freshman 15, but because I am so naturally muscular, I continued to live in denial that my weight and health were issues. My mom remarried in January 2006 and when the photos were developed, I was mortified at how bloated and overweight I looked. My face was barely recognizable and when I stepped on the scale, it read 200 pounds, but that still wasn't enough of a shock to get me on the right path. I continued to dabble in exercise and clean eating, but never committed to it enough for it to make much of a difference.

In April of 2009 my life completely changed and I sold everything I owned; I packed my car with what was left and left my family behind in Pennsylvania and drove to my new life in Los Angeles. You'd think that being in a climate that resulted in minimal clothing year round would be a motivating factor, but I still continued to only dabble in a healthy lifestyle. For 3 months I struggled to find a groove with my new life, as well as a job and finally, in July, I was hired with a very good company.

Back in the Fall of 2008, I did P90X for 30 days and quit. And those 30 days weren't given 100% by yours truly at all. It was pretty ho-hum actually. I did get pretty amazing results with my mediocre attitude towards it, but I just didn't stick with it. During the first few struggling months of my new life in LA, I had to sell P90X, but with my first paycheck in July, I bought Slim in 6 and haven't looked back.

I know I can't become a non-emotional eater overnight, but I'm taking small steps towards overcoming it. Now that I'm working a steady job, I have less financial stress and that helps me to avoid food binging. I'm praying more and reading leisurely more often which keeps me calm and more focused - and helps me to avoid those food binges. I am getting more support from online friends, networks, such as Beach Body and my coach, and feel a sense of accomplishment when I track my food intake, workouts, goals, and accountability. I'm focusing more on little steps each day instead of trying to reach perfection in one day, as I am used to doing. I would work out intensely for a few days and eat clean, but when my dream body didn't reflect back in the mirror, I gave up... after just a few days! Not anymore. I'm ready to make the life-long commitment and make slow progressions towards all of my goals.

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