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Greetings Beach Body friends! August 16th, 2009

It has taken me many months to sit down and write my biography, I started my most recent P90 adventure April 15th, 2009. I am hoping my story inspires others who may be wondering, can I do this? ..does anyone struggle like I do? ..will I ever be happy with myself?. I know there are hundreds upon hundreds of "why's" and all I can

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Greetings Beach Body friends! August 16th, 2009

It has taken me many months to sit down and write my biography, I started my most recent P90 adventure April 15th, 2009. I am hoping my story inspires others who may be wondering, can I do this? ..does anyone struggle like I do? ..will I ever be happy with myself?. I know there are hundreds upon hundreds of "why's" and all I can do is offer my personal story and hope that it helps in some way to make things a bit easier, in particular for the folks new to this. I also hope to inspire and motivate people that have similar health issues or know someone who struggles with mental illness.

Where to start..well, I should begin by saying that fitness has been a major part of my life since childhood. I loved to run and found it to be a form of freedom, joy and even escape. I was involved with sports as well and was extremely active. It was't until my teen years that I started to notice a change. I didn't gain weight or stop being active but I did begin to stop playing team sports. As you know, blossoming hormones can do a number on teenagers. Unfortunately my adolescence not only brought on the joys of mood swings, pimples, raging hormones and a boy crazy mind, but it also brought along some unexpected 'friends'. Friends otherwise known as chronic depression and severe anxiety.

I found the symptoms to be overwhelming and finally sought out the aid of a therapist to guide me towards answers as to why this was happening to me. The therapist and later the psychiatrist educated me on depression and anxiety and how events in my life, and my balance of chemicals may have been the reason for all of this. I was put on prozac and sent on my way.

Needless to say the prozac only made me more anxious. I did a bit of research and found out that exercise increases endorphins in the blood and gives you a happier state of being. It sounded pretty great to me so I just amplified my activity level. I was already working out daily and was a huge fan of Bodies in Motion, Bess Motta and Cory Everson. I was also an equestrian and runner so I figured I could handle a bump up in my workouts. The increased exertions did help with my moods but I found the depression getting worse and worse. I became suicidal and started sleeping less and less. Before I knew it I was addicted to over the counter stimulants such as NoDoz and diet pills. I also drank a ton of coffee to ease my sleepy day time state. I shouldn't have been surprised when my anxiety went through the roof. What on earth could I do to stay awake but stay calm? I had the NoDoz, diet pills and coffee and the exercise helped cool me down but it just wasn't enough. I found what I thought was the perfect solution in another type of liquid. Alcohol.

The roller coaster began at about age 15. I drank to calm down, I took pills to wake up. I worked out obsesively, rarely slept, hardly ate and was your basic nightmare well into my 20's. I managed to get a BA in psychology, buy a condo and became a master at hiding my ailments. Needless to say my relationships were strained and my mood swings were getting worse and worse. I finally heard the term 'bi-polar' and that's when the sh*t hit the fan. I knew what it was, I studied it for crying out loud, and I refused to think that I had it.

The yo yo had begun. I started drinking and eating heavily in my mid 20's and began gaining weight then losing it rapidly well into my 30's. The details are ugly, painful and embarrassing. The nutshell of this time in my life is that I tortured my body. I starved myself, worked out until I hurt then binged for months and drank heavily. I would then start the cycle over again. I did this year after year until at 34 I decided to get healthy, stop smoking, seek therapy and allow the doctors to help me. I needed to save my life before my suicidal tendencies and reckless behavior destroyed me.

At the time of my realization that I needed to seek help I was a size 8 on a 5'9" frame. I looked good but only because I barely ate and was constantly in high gear. I went to a therapist then a psychiatrist, was diagnosed with bi-polar and began treatment. I stopped smoking July 20th, 2008 and put on about 90 pounds in less than a year. I ate through my depression and anxiety until the meds started working. By that time I had put on about 40 pounds and became so disgusted with myself that I just kept eating and did not workout out for about a year. I ended up weighing 253 pounds.

This brings me to today. I started P90 (for the 3rd time) on April 15th, 2009. I've lost 33 lbs. and 31.5 inches from head to toe so far. I currently take medication for bi-polar and was recently diagnosed with PCOS. I know that with P90, good nutrition and proper medical treatment I will achieve my goals and reclaim my life. I hold my family, friends and all the amazing people in the beach body network close to my heart. I look forward to reaching my fitness goals and hope my story has inspired you. Stay tuned for more updates and remember, keep pushing play.

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